With only 2 days (!!!) left until I enter the third trimester, I figured it was about time I write on here again. Apparently I really suck at blogging.
Everyone and their mom promised that the second trimester was the best, easiest part of pregnancy. Maybe everyone else just had terrible first trimesters to compare to. My first trimester was easy - I never got sick (besides one or two very brief bouts of mild nausea that were easily cured with a cup of gingerbread tea), and while I did get pretty tired, that was about all. But second trimester I was supposed to get a whole new burst of energy. This was supposed to be the stage where I was just glowing. And the sex was supposed to be fantastic.
Yeah, I never got that burst of energy. I have been dragging this whole time. Working, going to school, and lugging around the small one has been really draining. Of course, anemia could also be to blame for that. I suspected I was iron deficient the whole time, since I was already borderline anemic when they drew my blood at our first appointment, but they confirmed it a few weeks ago and suggested I start taking iron supplements. So now, some - ahem - other systems are out of whack. So on top of being exhausted and having a great big bebe belly, I feel, well, gross.
And my libido never came back. If anything, sex sounds completely unappetizing. It's painful at best and strange at worst. I think about it, and then the baby kicks, and I'm just like...no. That's too bizarre. Sorry, Michael, maybe we can try again in like, 6 months. Right now I could use a shoulder rub though?
Oh, and know what else? Everyone said your mood "stabilizes" during the second trimester. Whatever that means. Besides being weepy in the first trimester, I don't think I was really all that ridiculous. If anything, it's gotten worse in the second trimester. I've been pretty depressed the last few weeks. Normally, not being a social butterfly doesn't really get to me. I can be alone...I usually relish it. But sometimes, when I go to work and see all these little groups of best friends that have formed, or see my husband talking to his best friends every waking moment, I wish I had more people to talk to. Or when I'm freaking out about money (because we have none), or about the baby's health or my health, or heck even just HAVING the baby, (a few incidents in the last few weeks brought up those last two fears), it would be nice to have someone to talk to. I mean, I text my mom all the time, but all the same...there's no one here that I get to see. Sometimes I want to just hang out with someone and get coffee or go shopping. I don't want to go do the baby registry by myself! Someone? Please?
I guess the second trimester hasn't been all bad, though. We got to find out that we're having a beautiful baby girl, so now I can call her by name instead of just saying "the small one" (though I do still say that too). I can feel her kicking all the time. And I've recently started to notice when she gets hiccups too. When she starts doing that I usually stop whatever I'm doing, smile, and poke her back a little bit if it was a big kick, or just put my hand on my tummy and feel. And whenever I lie down in bed, I can pull back the covers and watch her just jumping around in there.
There is no way she's not going to be a dancer...she's already practicing her trebles, leaps, and clicks. Everyone keeps asking me: what if she doesn't want to be a dancer? What if she wants to play soccer? She's my child. As soon she hears the Irish music she will want to dance.
Speaking of which, I have definitely come to terms with having a girl. I was disappointed at first...maybe because I was wrong, maybe because I had this vision in my head of how our life was going to be. I've already established though that nothing has gone according to this vague plan in my head. Anyway, now I'm excited to have a girl. And I think it will be good for Michael to get in touch with his feminine side. Maybe he'll learn to be more sensitive. Maybe he'll start reading things about being a father of daughters when I ask him to. Maybe he's still in denial. Although admittedly he's starting talking about an arranged marriage between Aislin and his best friend's 4-month old baby boy. There is no way in hell that's going to happen.
Then again, I make all these plans and...*sigh.*
God is probably laughing at me right now.
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